Shame 

 

Shame is one of the most potent emotions and can be difficult to talk

about because it exposes our vulnerabilities. 

 

Shame can lead to loss of identity and hiding of our true selves.

Such anonymity can act as a protection but it can also lead to

loneliness and negative feelings about oneself. Fear and panic

can grow out of feeling shame.

 

How does shame start?

 

We are usually the product of somebody else's shame. We are not born with shame. Rather it is an emotion that is acquired and passed along from one person to another or one gender to another, one family to another, one generation to another or one race to another.  It can lead us to believe that our very existence is wrong. Anger from other's can trigger our shame. This can trigger internal rage.

 

What happens when we are shamed?

 

We are likely to become anxious and nervous and want to remove ourselves from the situation. We may feel intimidated, trapped and powerless and be afraid to speak. It may also be hard to hear fully what is being said to us and could be highly sensitive to the other person's expressions and body language. 

 

Previous experiences of shame will shape how we respond to being shamed, so we are likely to try to protect ourselves and what self- worth we do have.  This can lead to defensiveness or absolute silence.

 

Shame can also lead to behavioural defenses such as using drugs and alcohol. This can be at the root of addictions.

 

If shamed because of making a mistake, we can internalize our error so that is becomes a reflection of worthlessness.  Every time we feel shamed, we slip further into the growing pit of self-degradation. Shame is insidious and validating only the shamed aspects of ourselves is the danger.

 

We build a 'front' to hide our true selves and to hide our shame.

 

What can we do about shame?

 

Exploring the sources of our shame- the events that lead to shaming will allow us to identify what shame we have collected and suppressed. Feeling it and talking about it is the route to freeing ourselves from it and from the wounds caused by it.